Poetry Thursday

 

It is Thursday which means the Two Spoiled Cats have provided another photo to inspire our poetic muse

Tim had to pee

But store managers would not let him as much as he did plea

He had no money and needed somewhere to pee for free.

He couldn’t even slip behind a tree.

He ran into a restaurant and said please help me

I really got to pee

And was told to feel free

And was given the bathroom key

He opened the bathroom door in glee

And then saw what was surely a crime to humanity

At the risk of hyperbole

The urinals were blocked off relieving himself was far from a fait accompli.

Tim went back to the manager with a plea

Take down the wall so he could wee

“I can’t do that, I am sorry we don’t agree

You see customers made a mess so the wall makes a clean urinal is a guarantee

Tim hurried back in the bathroom like a desperate banshee 

He had an inspiration that would relieve him of pee

He watched the NBA and liked shots from the three

And he was going to pee high over the wall like a desperate show by Steph Curry

Over the wall and into the urinal went his wee

But there was something he could not foresee

His pee lost pressure and splashed against the wall making him soaked like he got stuck in a rain storm in Hawaii

When he walked back outside the manager gave him a towel and said he could use the shower for a small fee

 

Beat This Caption

 

I'm not going in Allen, Three bowls of porridge have been eater, three chairs have been sat in, and all three beds have been slept in. It has to be either a Venezuelan street gang or a bougie triple dipping blonde chick who just can't settle down.

Either way I'm not going to check.

Monday Question

 With tariffs on goods from China at 145% how worried are your parents worried about items made in China, mainly pet toys, beds, leads, and collars more than doubling in price?

It is a worse mistake to anger farmers, car manufacturers, and supermarkets or pet owners?

Are you ready for a million paw rally in Washington?

Does the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania, who does not own a pet, and refers to people fired, arrested, or down on their luck as "dogs" doing this because he hates the species?

I don't use too many toys but do have chew bones which come from Cow Butt Tennessee.

Pet owners are the most committed group in the world and you do not want to provoke them.

Sign me up. I will lead the parade.

I don't think he considers dogs and cats when he makes a decision. 

The Ruby Rose Report: Barney the Dog from the Seventies

My parents say that I say that I am the perfect combination of the pups who came before me: I have Blake's Intelligence,  Foley’s spirit, Pocket’s sweetness, and River’s devotion. My mom says it is like they all came to visit me in my sleep to teach me how to be the dog who could repair my mom’s severely broken hearts. 

They did.

But there is another dog, one who I never met, and only heard of, running around the woods at the Bridge, seen occasionally like a sasquatch. 

Last week I was having a dream date high tea with my predecessors when a short but thick legged black animal, covered in mud, was emitting a smell that offended my delicate nose. It barely acknowledged us, grabbed a burger and ran into the woods.

“What was that?” I asked, startled

“That was the original dog, Barney the Beast, he was the first dog that was my dad’s, and since he was the one, 30 years ago, who convinced Mom to get a dog, Barney is our maker. If Barney was mean or aloof, our dad may not have been so determined to get a dog, and they would be the lonely, sad, anti-social couple who split a left over pizza on Easter Sunday instead of the lonely, sad, antisocial couple who split a leftover pizza on Easter Sunday and have a cute dog.

(Not that you should feel sorry for them. If they did get an Easter invite they would be checking their phones every minute because they have a compulsion to check on me, and will leave early, saying they I miss them, which I do, but they are the ones missing me, and in these days of humans belonging to the DCBFL (dog, cat, bird, fish, lizard) community humans should be able to  say they miss their dogs and want to leave.)

(Also, before they set up the camera I would happily curl into a ball and sleep while they were gone, but they didn’t buy the camera to watch me contently sleeping so I have to walk back and forth, bark at the window, and pretend to be agitated so they think I miss them. It's exhausting.)

Back at the dream date, as we watched video of them sleeping, to see how they liked it, I could hear sounds of Barney running in the woods.

A dog who ran free but still came back at night on his own, who made an entire neighborhood their kingdom, and, dare I wonder, was unneutered was a dog I had to get to know better.

My education continues.  

 

Friday Fill Ins

 

It is time for the Friendly Friday Fill Ins

The original sentences were constructed by the Four Legged Furballs and 15&Meowing

The originals are in plain text, my contribution in red/

And away we go

1. Once in a while, I manage to fart, and I am getting pretty, pretty good at it although I don't like to toot my own toot. 

2. The weirdest thing in my home is men playing with their balls on TV, and when they get good at it, my Dad cheers them on. It is sick.

3. I wish I had access to the nuclear codes.  so that I could  keep the world from exploding which spome people with the codes seem determined to do.

4. It’s never too late to pee, but sometimes it's too early to pee, if that makes sense

Poetry Thursday

 

It is Thursday which means the Two Spoiled Cats have provided another photo to inspire our poetic muse

Freddy was happy to be a frog

Swimming in the water, sleeping on lily pads on the bog

He would not trade his life for that of a dog

Living high on the hog sleeping on a log

One day Freddy was awoken by a woman’s weep

He swam over and saw a beautiful woman who looked like Bo Peep.

He inquired if she lost her sheep

She said it was who ran away (what a creep)

The girl stopped weeping and had a wish

She asked the frog if she could have a kiss

Then he would become her prince (but there was much he would miss

(Just not those smelly ass fish.)

When he kissed her he shut his eyes

She tasted better than his usual dinner of flies

He passed out and in the next morning he did rise

He looked in the mirror and gasped in surprise.

His reflection showed a cat

This is not what the princess said during their little chat

He should have known (all princesses were brats)

Instead of swimming all day he would sit on his fluffy ass full of fat

When the princess appeared he gave her hell

Changing into a cat was something you tell

She said the Prince who left her was a pet bengal

Freddy spat out sarcastically “that’s just swell.”

Freddy was dejected that now he had to, in a box, pee

The transformation caused anxiety 

And then he realized what caused him the most self-pity

It was his own ass she referred to when she promised he could lick her pussy

wordless wednesday