The Ruby Rose Report: Momma's Got Wheels

 

My Mom has wheels.

They came in a box from the deepest darkest Amazon where you can get anything you want (excepting Alice.)

They came in a big box. I was told to beware of women with big boxes. Lots of remote controls were lost up there. I suppose they are popular, since I hear a lot about Big Box Stores (although I think it is something you should come by naturally.) People say you shouldn’t buy things from the Big Box store, or from Amazon. A big box from Amazon must be particularly troublesome.

Also, whenever we get something from the Amazon, even the tiny box ones, from the capuchin monkey line, it is trouble, because Daddy needs to put something together, and he will make a cluster of pucks from it, and will inevitably lose important parts, or they are too deep in the big box to be located.

Before the wheels were built Daddy asked Mommy to read the instructions, a perfect example of the cripples leading the blind to the bus station before sending them to panhandle in Omaha.

This was a breakthrough. Usually, Daddy likes to make a mess of things on his own, but now he requested help to give him deniability if he built it wrong and Mommy rolled all the way to the sea.

Fortunately, the big box contained an almost finished product, except for a couple of bars. This concerned me. I didn’t want my Mommy to drink and roll.

Mommy tried it out, wheeling around the house, and thenput me on the soft seat, and gave me a ride. I tried to relax and enjoy it but it was like taking your first ride in a plane designed by members of Congress. At any point I had to be able to bail.

Thankfully things with the roller have rolled right along.

Mommy still uses her cane most of the time, because she prefers to lurch than roll, but when she goes in the car she brings her wheels, in case the car wheels fall off, and my Mom can propel us home Flintstones time. 

She has even gone for walks with Daddy and I, or at least a walk. I usually meander about on walks, but nothing makes you pay attention like a Grammy with a license to roll.

Our rolling walks are short. You don’t want to wear out your big box wheels and have to take a canoe to the deepest part of the Amazon to return it. 

Plus, you have to wipe your wheels after rolling and the bigger the wipe the wider the rolls.

So now my Mommy is rolling on wheels of fire burning down the track.

Please notify our next of kin if those wheels explode 

Friday Fill Ins

 

Our  Friendly Fill in Feline Friends had provided fill ins for me to complete.

My parts are in bold

1.When my parents leave without me it hurts my feelings.

2. Things on my not to do list include ending the war in the Ukraine in my first 100 days in office. The whole thing is white people's business..

3. My many chew bones are inanimate objects that cheers me up.

4. I wish I could hire someone to go for walk with my Dad. Honestly I am just as happy on the couch.

Poetry Thursday

It is poetry Thursday and our two spoiled cats have provided for us the picture below as inspiration.

Tom dreamed of a job in politics

But when he spoke he came across as a lunatic

Being elected would take a magic trick

Fraud was his bailiwick

He found fraud in the study of hurricanes

He found fraud in the study of rain

He found fraud in the way we control pain

He did such a good job fraud became his domain

Then he learned of fraud that made him sick

A billion dollars to study the common tick

He knew he could recoup the money spent real quick

And flush from the government all the bolsheviks

Tom learned the studies were being done deep in the woods.

To avoid being bit Tom wore long sleeves and a hood.

He followed a trail as far as he could

Despite being hot and sweaty he knew the outcome would be good.

Tom was confused when he found a desk in the weeds.

There were pills on the table that stopped him in his try to proceed

There didn’t seem the be anyone there not even a flea.

But on the seat was something he could not believe was he could see

Sitting in the chair was a tiny tick

The kind that when it bites makes you sick

Tom almost crushed it with a broomstick

Until the tick yelled “stop you lunatic.”

The tick was named Rick

“You thought someone else would do tick studies other than a tick.

I am doing great work here watching children get lime disease at a picnic.

And you should give me credit for doing 16 rhymes for tick and not, until the very last line, to call you a dick.

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

M

The economy has gotten so bad cats can't afford their own eyebrows and need to go halfsies with siblings

Monday Question

 How long has your pack been part of social media>

Who was the first pet to post?

When my parents learned of a social network site devoted to dogs, called Doggy Space they decided to check it out.

That was 18 years ago.

Foley Monster was the first to post

Poetry Thursday

 

It is Thursday which means the Two Spoiled Cats have provided another photo to inspire our poetic muse

Tim had to pee

But store managers would not let him as much as he did plea

He had no money and needed somewhere to pee for free.

He couldn’t even slip behind a tree.

He ran into a restaurant and said please help me

I really got to pee

And was told to feel free

And was given the bathroom key

He opened the bathroom door in glee

And then saw what was surely a crime to humanity

At the risk of hyperbole

The urinals were blocked off relieving himself was far from a fait accompli.

Tim went back to the manager with a plea

Take down the wall so he could wee

“I can’t do that, I am sorry we don’t agree

You see customers made a mess so the wall makes a clean urinal is a guarantee

Tim hurried back in the bathroom like a desperate banshee 

He had an inspiration that would relieve him of pee

He watched the NBA and liked shots from the three

And he was going to pee high over the wall like a desperate show by Steph Curry

Over the wall and into the urinal went his wee

But there was something he could not foresee

His pee lost pressure and splashed against the wall making him soaked like he got stuck in a rain storm in Hawaii

When he walked back outside the manager gave him a towel and said he could use the shower for a small fee