Longing For Eternal Togetherness

Imagine the happiest moment you’ve ever had together with your family - your immediate family, extended family, close friends, whatever family means to you. You feel close to those around you. You feel loved. You feel belonging. You feel a special kind of peace. As you remember this, do you feel a longing? I’ve been feeling that longing all week and I want to explore why it’s such a spiritually natural thing to feel.

My uncle Larry Hunt recently passed away. Yesterday, I watched his wife say goodbye to her beloved husband for the last time in morality. It was heartbreaking. I can’t fathom her pain.

Loss is excruciating and I think it’s because being apart feels so foreign to our spirits. Before this life, we all lived together with the Father, and we will return to that state of eternal togetherness. Separation is a mortal thing. As I ponder the pain of separation, I feel so unsettled, like my spirit is rejecting the whole sensation. We come to this world with a natural longing to return to eternal togetherness. The plan of salvation teaches us how to achieve that goal.

Yesterday, we all said farewell to the man who has been the patriarch of our family since the passing of my grandparents. He organized gatherings that centered around singing together - something that brings my family so much joy. I remember the gathering we had after my grandmother Billie’s funeral. The cousins squished together on the couch and Larry passed around a microphone and made sure everyone felt included. If I think carefully, I can remember gatherings before she died and what Granny’s aged voice sounded like as she sang. It still brings tears to my eyes. She so loved being with her family.

Once Granny and her home were gone, we didn’t have a built-in place to gather anymore. It was never the same. We’ve had some reunions and those are precious to me, but in mortality, we can’t help going our separate ways (across the state, country, even world) as we build our own lives with our own families. We can’t be together all the time. Then people pass away and we really don’t have the option for togetherness. It’s tragic. So, we feel the longing. The longing I feel now for all those tender moments.

But the thing is, I didn’t have my own family then. If I went back to those youthful times, I would miss my husband and my children unbearably. I don’t want to be in the past when we’ve created so much together now. I long for not only what I loved then, but for the moment when all that joy will be added together - an eternity with the family that came before me, the family I have now, and also the family that is still to come. I long for all of it. And that is the fullness of joy that we are promised as we make covenants in the temple that bind us together. We are promised eternal togetherness.

I heard a man named Matt Townsend say on a podcast, “On both sides of the veil, we are still a family.” The veil is a thin separation between us and those we long for. I firmly believe that the closer we draw to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, the closer we will feel to those we have lost. We haven’t really lost them. They are still working to help us in ways that they couldn’t as mortals. We can still help each other and feel connected. Our spirits long to be connected.

Larry outside the temple after my wedding. He was one of our witnesses.

My cousin talked yesterday about how Larry saw God in everything. She told a story of him witnessing athletes and becoming emotional because those people had good health and were able to do what they loved. He felt joy for them. I witnessed his awe for God’s creations when we traveled together and stopped to see a waterfall. He was emotional as he contemplated life. My mother and her brothers all have the gift of great joy and peace because of their faith in the gospel. It’s amazing and I want to be more like them.

My mother and her brothers grew up in a family with so much love. At the end of the day, they would gather together to play music. They liked each other that much. They had peace. I look at my children and wonder how we can carry on that tradition and feeling. How can we raise them to carry that joy and peace throughout their lives as these great examples have?

The next life will be unimaginably amazing because of the compounding love and belonging we will feel. We will be whole with each other. We are learning to be peacemakers in this life so we can have eternal peace in the next one. I’m excited to pursue peace and joy now, with my family, so our joy can be added to the joy of everyone at that time of eternal togetherness.

What a blessing it is to have the Lord’s gospel in our lives so we can have an eternal perspective. As I’ve reflected on the funeral yesterday and all I’ve learned from Larry, I realize that so many troubles and irritations of this life are small. So many things don’t matter. Family matters. Peace matters. Strengthening our relationships now and in the eternities matters. In the end, the story of our world and our universe is the story of family. The story of eternal togetherness.

Matt 26; Mark 14; John 13: Love One Another

John 13:34-35

34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

The Come, Follow Me manual:

My love for others is a sign that I am a true disciple of Jesus Christ.

Earlier, Jesus had given a commandment to “love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 22:39). Now He gave “a new commandment.” What do you think it means to love others as Jesus loves you? (see John 13:34).

You might also ponder how other people know that you are a disciple of Jesus Christ. How can you make sure that love is your defining characteristic as a Christian?

During some of the Savior's final moments with His disciples, He taught them this principle of love. I find it interesting that this happened after discussion of the betrayal. Judas left and the Savior prompted the other disciples to love as He did. I wonder if He was giving them a test - to see if they could still love Judas after such a great sin. The Savior didn't say that they should love everyone except Judas. Surely He loved Judas just as much as the others.

The Savior's ministry was full of examples of loving the outcasts, sinners, and those others rejected. He remained consistent with that until the end as He asked the Father to forgive those who took His life. Never did He teach that we should give more love to those inside His church than those outside of it. He didn't say that we should limit our friendship to those with the same beliefs or lifestyles as us. Instead, He befriended Samaritans and healed lepers. He taught the importance of humility and surely discouraged any thoughts that His followers were better than others. As He prepared His disciples to go on in the work without Him, He taught them to love.

Bing Image Creator

I've noticed a pattern in my area both from those in my neighborhood and in online groups. Those outside of the Church of Jesus Christ often complain that our members don't have this real love - that we're judgmental, unfriendly, and so on. I agree that it's a choice to be offended, but when a neighbor stops talking to another neighbor because they aren't going to church, that's a problem. Sometimes we have more of an MLM mindset than a Christlike mindset, as if getting others back to church will somehow increase our own blessings (maybe it will, but that's not the point). Those around us know when we have true intentions or when we just have an agenda.

We shouldn't be inviting or reaching out to others for our own benefit - such as wanting to sound good in a ministering interview. It needs to be genuine and it needs to come from a place of friendship. I've learned this the hard way. When I've reached out with my own agenda in mind, the door has been closed. I felt pressure because I was "assigned" to those people. Since then, as I've focused on being a friend and good neighbor, I've built real relationships with my community. I've learned more about the needs, circumstances, and experiences of others than I ever knew before - and it's not limited to the few people I'm "assigned" to.

Bing Image Creator

Loving others as Jesus would naturally leads to conversations about faith. We can share who we are and what we believe without having an agenda. The truth is that even when we're assigned to minister to others, we are not personally responsible for their testimonies. We can love, share, invite, and so on, but we need to respect the individual agency of those around us and love them no matter what they choose to do. We can't personally convert anyone to the gospel. That's the Spirit's job. But we can give them opportunities to feel the Spirit when they are in our homes and to learn about our own converting experiences.

The #1 goal should be for our neighbors, friends, and family members to know they are truly loved. Don't withdraw from them when they choose not to be involved with the Savior's Church. Remain a genuine friend who respects their wishes and still wants to be connected with them. This will bless everyone involved. If they ask you to take a step back with your invitations or express discomfort with gospel discussions, respect their preferences and remain a friend in a way that is beneficial for everyone. Be a consistent friend and example in their lives.

I found a couple great quotes on this while reading "This Boy and His Mother" by Preston Jenkins (a book I highly recommend):

Elder M. Russell Ballard:

Q: If I have family or friends who are less active, how far do I go in my attempts to bring them back?

Elder Ballard: "Please don’t preach to them. Your family member or friend already knows the Church’s teachings. They don’t need another lecture! What they need, what we all need, is love and understanding, not judging. Share your positive experiences of living the gospel. The most powerful thing you can do is share your spiritual experiences with family and friends in a non-preachy way. Also, be genuinely interested in their lives—their successes and challenges. Always be warm, gentle, loving and kind."

Elder D. Todd Christofferson:

In reality, the best way to help those we love—the best way to love them—is to continue to put the Savior first. If we cast ourselves adrift from the Lord out of sympathy for loved ones who are suffering or distressed, then we lose the means by which we might have helped them. If, however, we remain firmly rooted in faith in Christ, we are in a position both to receive and to offer divine help. If (or I should say when) the moment comes that a beloved family member wants desperately to turn to the only true and lasting source of help, he or she will know whom to trust as a guide and a companion. In the meantime, with the gift of the Holy Spirit to guide, we can perform a steady ministry to lessen the pain of poor choices and bind up the wounds insofar as we are permitted. Otherwise, we serve neither those we love nor ourselves.

This quote brings up another aspect of love that I feel a need to mention. Again, we shouldn't have an agenda with those we love. But we do need to truly support them, which means not advocating for choices or lifestyles that will damage them (spiritually or physically). We're living in a day where society is obsessed with acceptance. I agree that we should love and accept every person as an individual, but we don't have to embrace all of their choices. It's good to be genuinely interested in their lives, to ask loving questions, and to do our best to understand them. There's a difference between loving individuals (without an agenda) and encouraging them to make choices not consistent with the gospel of Jesus Christ. We can't pick and choose which doctrines of Jesus Christ we believe in and follow. As His disciples, we stand by Him in all things.

I agree with Elder Christofferson that it's vital we stay close to the Savior and encourage others to follow Him, even when it's hard. In a world where so many voices encourage us to do whatever feels right to us, we need voices to remind us that real joy comes from the gospel. That doesn't mean attacking anyone's beliefs or choices. It doesn't mean disrespecting people or pushing them to change. Please don't try to change anyone, talk them out of their choices, or convince them that they are wrong. I'm just saying that when we inevitably have hard conversations with family members, we need to stay true to our own beliefs and the gospel. It won't help for us to be swayed by the world. We can lovingly remain close to the Savior and seek His help in using the right words to encourage others to follow Him. Encourage, not push. Don't preach, just love. Respect the boundaries that people set about how they want to be treated.

No matter what path someone chooses, please refrain from judging them as individuals. There is so much behind the scenes of every choice, lifestyle, and belief that isn't consistent with ours. Many deviations from the covenant path are agonized over and not made lightly. We need to be respectful of where people are and why. This idea that we are "judgmental" comes from being overly pushy and attacking individuals because of their choices. We don't need to do that. Everyone has their own path in this life, and while that path might be uncomfortable to us, it's their choice and might be what they need to go through during their mortal experience. We fought for agency before we came to this world and we can't forget its importance.

The Savior is the answer to every struggle we have in this life. That goes for our loved ones, too. It can seem impossible to be true to oneself and also live inside the bounds He has set. I've been learning more about that as I read books like the one from Preston Jenkins. I'm acknowledging that it's hard and that many things in life don't make sense right away. Sometimes it feels like God is unfair. It's okay to feel those things and many of our loved ones do feel those things. But we can't turn against God in an effort to support those people ... because doing so isn't true support. True support is being that example they know they can turn to when they are ready. Love them, genuinely love them, and stick to your beliefs until they are ready.

I want to end with these great thoughts from Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf:

Does the Spirit of God dwell in your hearts? Are you “rooted and grounded” in the love of God and of your fellowmen? Do you devote sufficient time and creativity to bringing happiness to your marriage and family? Do you give your energies to the sublime goal of comprehending and living “the breadth, and length, and depth, and height” of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ?

...

Brethren, we must put aside our pride, see beyond our vanity, and in humility ask, “Lord, is it I?”

I like this idea that building relationships takes "time and creativity." I also appreciate this reminder that our energies should be focused on the gospel of Jesus Christ. Most importantly, I love this question: Lord, is it I?

As I've heard stories from others of feeling judged and unwelcome at church, I've wondered: Lord, is it I? As I've pondered genuine ministering or having a selfish focus, I've asked: Lord, is it I? And the answer has been yes on multiple occasions. If we're going to love others as Jesus loves them (which He commands us to do), we need to let go of our pride and see the ways we can improve. We can't genuinely love others while looking for the motes in their eyes. I encourage you to read all of that talk by Elder Uchtdorf because it gives more examples of this and how we can love with humility.

We don't want to be known for being judgmental. We want to be known for being friends to all. Let's focus more on being truly Christlike by both loving everyone and standing true to our beliefs. We can find a balance that helps everyone feel accepted, welcome, wanted, and loved while also being encouraged to follow the Savior. It's a work in progress for all of us and that's okay. We're learning. He will help us as we turn to Him and seek His guidance. After all, He knows our struggling loved ones better than we ever will. He is the answer. Seek Him.

Bonnie Gwyn

Matt 21–23; Mark 11; Luke 19–20; John 12: King of Kings!

Triumphal Entry (Christ’s Triumphal Entry into Jerusalem), by Harry Anderson

As I read about the triumphal entry this week, I thought a lot about the covenants we make during the temple endowment. Specifically, the laws of sacrifice and consecration. In the Church's handbook, these laws are described as follows:

The law of sacrifice, which means sacrificing to support the Lord’s work and repenting with a broken heart and contrite spirit.

The law of consecration, which means that members dedicate their time, talents, and everything with which the Lord has blessed them to building up Jesus Christ’s Church on the earth.

The following story is a wonderful example of sacrifice and dedication:

Matthew 21:1-8

1 And when they drew nigh unto Jerusalem, and were come to Bethphage, unto the mount of Olives, then sent Jesus two disciples,

2 Saying unto them, Go into the village over against you, and straightway ye shall find an ass tied, and a colt with her: loose them, and bring them unto me.

3 And if any man say ought unto you, ye shall say, The Lord hath need of them; and straightway he will send them.

4 All this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, saying,

5 Tell ye the daughter of Sion, Behold, thy King cometh unto thee, meek, and sitting upon an ass, and a colt the foal of an ass.

6 And the disciples went, and did as Jesus commanded them,

7 And brought the ass, and the colt, and put on them their clothes, and they set him thereon.

8 And a very great multitude spread their garments in the way; others cut down branches from the trees, and strawed them in the way.

When the disciples explained that the Lord needed the donkey and the colt, the man sent them straightway. Surely he had a purpose in mind for them. Maybe these animals were precious to him. But that man honored the Lord and gave what he had to aid the work. He provided vital elements to this grand moment in the Savior's life - this moment when He was called King and praised by so many. He was seen as the Messiah both of Moses's time and their time.

This was His moment as the Son of God before the end of His life neared - much like the son who was sent to the wicked husbandmen and was killed instead of reverenced. This was the moment of reverence for those who saw who He was. What a contribution the owner of those animals made! The same goes for those who gave their clothing for the Savior to sit upon and to cover the ground where He traveled. Their sacrifice made that ground so holy and wonderful, as did the Savior's presence there.

Luke 19:37-40

37 And when he was come nigh, even now at the descent of the mount of Olives, the whole multitude of the disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works that they had seen;

38 Saying, Blessed be the King that cometh in the name of the Lord: peace in heaven, and glory in the highest.

39 And some of the Pharisees from among the multitude said unto him, Master, rebuke thy disciples.

40 And he answered and said unto them, I tell you that, if these should hold their peace, the stones would immediately cry out.

I imagine that as these followers cut down branches from the trees, they also cut out the parts of themselves that feared men. They were brave and true as they used loud voices to proclaim their faith and devotion to their Lord. Their Lord did not rebuke them, but instead acknowledged that if they didn't proclaim His divinity, His own creations would do so instead. This must have been so affirming to His followers.

As we follow Him and do His will, which includes keeping our covenants, we will experience trials and rebukes. We can look forward to the day when our Savior will rule as King of Kings and when all will acknowledge His divinity. All the dark, sorrowful parts of the world are temporary. His return will come and then we will be with Him for eternity. Just as His triumphal entry was prophesied, so is His return in the latter-days. Hosanna, indeed!

I love this explanation of the word "Hosanna" found in the Guide to the Scriptures:

A word from Hebrew that means “please save us” and is used in praise and supplication.

At the Feast of Tabernacles, which celebrated the Lord’s deliverance of Israel into the promised land, people chanted the words of Psalm 118 and waved palm branches. At the Lord’s triumphal entry into Jerusalem, the multitudes cried “Hosanna” and spread palm branches for Jesus to ride upon, thus demonstrating their understanding that Jesus was the same Lord who had delivered Israel anciently (Ps. 118:25–26; Matt. 21:9, 15; Mark 11:9–10; John 12:13). These people recognized Christ as the long-awaited Messiah. The word Hosanna has become a celebration of the Messiah in all ages (1 Ne. 11:6; 3 Ne. 11:14–17). The hosanna shout was included in the dedication of the Kirtland Temple (D&C 109:79) and is now a part of the dedication of modern temples.

Luke 20:38

38 For he is not a God of the dead, but of the living: for all live unto him.

He has already "saved us" by giving us immorality. We are all alive in Him. Through Him, His Atonement, and temple covenants, we can live both in Him and with Him forever. His followers who rejoiced in Him that day in Jerusalem acknowledged His hand in saving them from Egypt. Since then, His Atonement and ultimate sacrifice has taken place, and that is an even greater reason to praise Him. He is indeed our timeless Messiah. He saved the ancient Israelites from Pharaoh and He saves us from our sins, sorrows, and so much more.

The Savior reminded us of how important it is to walk in His light. We are awaiting His return, but His light is still with us through the Spirit, the gospel, the priesthood, and so on.

John 12:35-37

35 Then Jesus said unto them, Yet a little while is the light with you. Walk while ye have the light, lest darkness come upon you: for he that walketh in darkness knoweth not whither he goeth.

36 While ye have light, believe in the light, that ye may be the children of light. These things spake Jesus, and departed, and did hide himself from them.

37 But though he had done so many miracles before them, yet they believed not on him:

I like this reminder that while we have the light, we should walk. We can't be spiritually idle or we might lose the light. Much like the oil of the five virgins burned out before the time to meet the bridegroom. We need to keep our light, our testimonies, and our covenants burning. We need to believe in Him and see His miracles in our lives, both big and small. Spiritual idleness leads to darkness. Life is more beautiful and joyful when we walk in His light.

Another way we can walk in the light is forgiving others. These verses stood out to me:

Mark 11:24-25

24 Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

25 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

Perhaps part of the Law of Sacrifice is giving up our pride in order to forgive others as we are commanded to do. We can't repent on behalf of others, but we can repent of our ill feelings toward them and give them a loving environment in which to change. We can seek the Lord in prayer to help us do this. Holding on to bitter feelings surely hardens our hearts and makes it difficult to connect with the Spirit. Making forgiveness part of our prayers will help us soften in humility and see how we can personally improve.

Lastly, I want to discuss the true worth and value of things - something that Mary understood well.

John 12:3-5

3 Then took Mary a pound of ointment of spikenard, very costly, and anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped his feet with her hair: and the house was filled with the odour of the ointment.

4 Then saith one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, which should betray him,

5 Why was not this ointment sold for three hundred pence, and given to the poor?

 6 This he said, not that he cared for the poor; but because he was a thief, and had the bag, and bare what was put therein. 

7 (JST) Then said Jesus, Let her alone: for she hath preserved this ointment until now, that she might anoint me in token of my burial.

Judas was focused on the material worth of the oil. He was guilty of greed. Mary understood that more was happening than met the eye and that the Savior's sacrifice was near. She knew the Savior's Atonement was worth far more than money. The following verses stood out to me for similar reasons:

Matthew 23:17-19

17 Ye fools and blind: for whether is greater, the gold, or the temple that sanctifieth the gold?

18 And, Whosoever shall swear by the altar, it is nothing; but whosoever sweareth by the gift that is upon it, he is guilty.

19 Ye fools and blind: for whether is greater, the gift, or the altar that sanctifieth the gift?

Is a temple itself worth nearly as much as the God who resides there? Of course not. The oil Mary used was worth something, sure, but it was sanctified and made priceless when dedicated to the Lord. This is a great perspective as we dedicate our means to the Lord. For example, when we pay our tithing, we can trust that our sacrifice will be made sacred as it's used to further the work of the Lord. The Lord can make more of our lives than we ever could ourselves. Likewise, He can make more of our monetary and material means than we can.

This doesn't just apply to tithing. And I'm not saying we need to give all our money to the Church. We can have earthly possessions and remain humble as long as we dedicate all we have to Him and remember that He is the source of all. Our readings talked about that this week, too - not honoring men above God. We can consult the Lord as we make financial decisions so we focus on what has eternal worth and not get caught up in greed or worldliness. He wants us to have what we need. The important thing is remembering that we have all we do because of Him. A grateful heart is a humble heart.

I believe we've been given temple covenants to help us become Christ's people. They are necessary for salvation and they also help us hone our hearts and spirits so we are one with our Savior. When He asks us to give Him our sins, our weaknesses, our pride, and anything else He requires, we need to do it straightaway. When the Spirit prompts us to serve and change our priorities, the same applies. We can all learn from that man who gave his donkey and colt because the Lord needed them.

Bonnie Gwyn

Matt 19–20; Mark 10; Luke 18: Avoiding Emotional Infidelity

This week, our Savior teaches us about marriage, and I'm loving the reminders to prioritize my husband. Just last week, we went on our first date in a while and felt so refreshed. It can be hard to make time away from our family and other responsibilities, but it's worth it. I adore my husband and want to make sure I'm still getting to know him as an individual as we navigate family life.

Matthew 19:4-6

 4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,

5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

We attended the temple together and I learned so much about the Plan of Salvation and the Savior's love for us. We've had a lot of discussions since. It also reminded me of the eternal path we're on together. The way we treat each other now matters a lot. I'm so happy that Drew is my forever. When I think of the uncertainty of eternity and all my unanswered questions, I find comfort in the fact that no matter what, he will be with me because we're sealed together. We will always be able to support, love, and encourage each other. The devil can't really mess with that, no matter how much he tries, as long as we keep our covenants to God and each other. There is so much power in that.

The gospel topic "marriage" has profound insights:

After receiving the sealing ordinance and making sacred covenants in the temple, a couple must continue in faithfulness in order to receive the blessings of eternal marriage and exaltation. The Lord said:

“If a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; … and if [they] abide in my covenant, … it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world” (Doctrine and Covenants 132:19).

Those who are married should consider their union as their most cherished earthly relationship. A spouse is the only person other than the Lord whom we have been commanded to love with all our heart (see Doctrine and Covenants 42:22).

Marriage, in its truest sense, is a partnership of equals, with neither person exercising dominion over the other, but with each encouraging, comforting, and helping the other.

Because marriage is such an important relationship in life, it needs and deserves time over less-important commitments. Couples can strengthen their marriage as they take time to talk together and to listen to one another, to be thoughtful and respectful, and to express tender feelings and affection often.

Marriage partners must be loyal to one another and faithful in their marriage covenants in thought, word, and deed. The Lord has said, “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else” (Doctrine and Covenants 42:22). The phrase “none else” teaches that no person, activity, or possession should ever take precedence over the marriage relationship.

I've never thought about that - that we're commanded to love both God and our spouses with all our hearts. That's important. Our top priorities in life should be our relationships with God and our spouses. Life can get crazy. It's easy to slip away from that. We need to take the time to keep these very eternal relationships healthy and strong. Again, it's empowering, even though it takes time and feels hard. This is how we become a ship that the devil can't sink.

At the end of that gospel topic, I found a great article about emotional infidelity, which is something that can sneak up on us. This quote illustrates why it's a danger:

A healthy marriage offers a secure bond and a capacity for quality and depth with which emotional infidelity—when looked at honestly—cannot ultimately compete. However, the secrecy surrounding emotional infidelity through the use of cell phones or computers can seem exciting. In contrast to this fantasy, the practical tasks of marriage—such as bill paying, childcare, and chores—may make marriage seem mundane, clouding judgment. In a technology-based relationship, people can easily control their presentations to the other person. Such relationships are fraught with deception. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has said that Satan “will do anything he can to counterfeit true love, to profane and desecrate true love wherever and whenever he encounters it.”

I can see how this would happen. Daily life of any kind can feel mundane. Having a relationship with someone that escaped all of that would be exciting, but it wouldn't last or have real value. I think the key here is making sure we have time with our spouses away from the monotony. We need time that's focused on each other and on our relationship - fun, relaxing, rejuvenating time - so that our spouse is the person we give our feelings to, not anyone else.

In marriage, we see the best and worst of each other. That's what happens when we share our lives with someone. It's a good thing. No one knows me better than my husband. No one. It's an opportunity to love and serve each other. But we have to be careful to really work at it and resolve conflicts quickly, or we'll start focusing on the worst parts of the marriage instead of the best. Satan is absolutely on the attack and we need to be watchful.

Drew and I are good about having boundaries. I let go of all my close friends of the opposite gender when we got married and am careful not to share feelings that could lead to danger. If any of you felt suddenly cut out of my life, that's why, and I probably should have explained. I know it's dangerous to ever talk about one's spouse or marriage in a way that bonds you more to the listener than the spouse. We know all of each other's passwords. Our iPad sits on our kitchen counter and is connected to my phone, so realistically Drew can see anything at any time and I like that. I don't currently feel tempted to strike up conversations with old flames, but if I ever did, he'd be the first to know and that's an important safety feature for our marriage.

President Gordon B. Hinckley (1910–2008) said, “One might expect that every marriage in the house of the Lord would carry with it a covenant of loyalty one to another.” Renowned marital researcher John Gottman pointed out that “a committed relationship is a contract of mutual trust, respect, nurturance, and protection. Anything that violates that contract can become traitorous.” He identified two common aspects that diminish trust in marriage: “Deception (not revealing your true needs to avoid unpleasant conflict) and a yearning for emotional connection that seems unavailable from the partner.” The real danger comes when the avoidance of conflict becomes deep-seated resentment.

I once asked a man who had been engaging in online infidelity via texting if he knew what he was getting from that relationship that he wasn’t getting in his marriage. He explained that he got acceptance and admiration he didn’t feel at home. I asked him if he ever talked to his wife about it. He replied, “I don’t think I want to risk that kind of rejection. She hasn’t liked me for a long time.” He had decided to “not need anything” from his marriage, leaving it open to attack. In a healthy marriage, both partners are loyal to each other and take turns sharing needs and responding to each other in meaningful ways. Attending early to difficulties within the marriage helps prevent infidelity.

I read these paragraphs and realized, Oh man, it's me. I often keep my needs to myself. Not because I don't trust my husband, but because I feel guilty for asking anything more from him when he works so hard. That does tend to turn into resentment. Guilt is a monster I've been battling my entire life. It's how the devil chooses to attack me. I did this just yesterday, refusing my love's attempts to help me make dinner. Ah. I need to repent.

We have to discuss each other's needs. It's totally unfair to leave our spouses unaware of whatever struggle we're experiencing and how they can help. When we keep that to ourselves, we deny them the opportunity to show us love and serve us. Those moments of service bond us together. Two nights ago, Drew and I folded laundry together while he shared some songs he loved via Spotify. That felt like real romance to me. It sounds silly, but I felt so loved in that moment. We can find the magic of love during every-day moments as long as we're communicating and seeing the best in each other. We need to really see each other. Take time away from the thoughts of children, work, whatever else, and look at our spouse with eyes to see.

If we don't share our needs with our spouses, we may find ourselves sharing them with others, and that's not a road we want to travel. I like this point from the article:

1. Realize that you are not immune to the possibility of infidelity. In his Brigham Young University marriage classes, Brent Barlow told a story about a ditch in front of his family’s home. Being aware of the risks the ditch posed, he and his wife frequently counseled their children to be cautious. He pointed out that his children were likely safer from that potential peril than people living farther away because his children’s awareness of the danger kept them vigilant.

Researcher Shirley Glass has pointed out that those who become involved in infidelity frequently love their spouses and believe that infidelity is wrong. However, love and convictions don’t always make us immune to the temptation to develop inappropriate attachments under certain circumstances. We must always remain vigilant in our marriages.

That applies to any temptations we might face. Vigilance and awareness keeps us safe. Personally, I need to be more vigilant about sharing my experiences with Drew and telling him how he can help me. I know he wants to, I just feel a mix of guilt and pride that prevents me from bonding with him in that way. It's not fair to either of us and I'm going to work on it. The devil wants to come between us and our spouses. He wants to stand in the way of eternal families. He wants us to have resentment for each other. We need to put a stop to him and stay far, far away from that ditch.

“If a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; … and if [they] abide in my covenant, … it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world” (Doctrine and Covenants 132:19).

I want our marriage to be in full force always. What a blessing!

Bonnie Gwyn

John 7-10: Freedom to Grow

There is so much hope in these chapters. After studying them and the talks referenced in Come, Follow Me, I feel so grateful for the infinite love of the Son of God. He knows us and loves us perfectly. He gives us chances again and again. Because of Him and our Father's plan, we have the ability to choose and the freedom to grow from our mistakes. We don't have to be servants of sin forever. Isn't that good news?

 John 7:24 JST

24 Judge not according to your traditions, but judge righteous judgment.

I like this change in the JST to "your traditions." We all have traditions or habits in our minds. We often judge people based on what our traditions tell us about them. Maybe we've had bad experiences with certain types of people and assume all are the same. Maybe we think styles of clothing or other choices in appearance tell us who people are. Righteous judgement isn't that kind of judgement. Jesus Christ looks on the heart and so should we. We need to put away our critical eyes and see with His love. Everyone is a child of God and is equally adored and wanted by Him. He wants all of us to come home. Furthermore, we all have weaknesses, so what's the point of judging people because they sin differently than we do?

John 8:10-12

10 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?

11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

12 Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.

Jesus hates the sin, not the sinner. He can't condone sin, but He knows that our actions aren't always who we are. Thank goodness! He sees us. He sees our individuality and our divine nature, apart from all our mistakes. Because of Him, bad choices don't have to define us. We can turn to Him and repent and not only do better, but be better. He didn't condemn this woman who had certainly done wrong. He gave her a chance to walk in light instead of darkness, and she took it. He didn't focus on her past. He focused on her future and her ability to sin no more. He wanted that for her. He wants that for us, too, because He loves us.

John 10:10

10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

He wants us to have life with abundance. That's real joy. Not only do we receive immortality from Him, but we also receive the opportunity to have joy forever. In moments of weakness, we don't deserve all the blessings He wants to give us, but He doesn't define us by those moments. He defines us by our potential and our hearts. He gives us the tools to change. He is so merciful. 

See Others as They May Become by President Thomas S. Monson:

We need to bear in mind that people can change. They can put behind them bad habits. They can repent from transgressions. They can bear the priesthood worthily. And they can serve the Lord diligently.

...

During the 1940s and 1950s, an American prison warden, Clinton Duffy, was well known for his efforts to rehabilitate the men in his prison. Said one critic, “You should know that leopards don’t change their spots!”

Replied Warden Duffy, “You should know I don’t work with leopards. I work with men, and men change every day.”

...

Brother Tanner asked him what was different about his approach—why he had such phenomenal success when others didn’t. The young man said that he attempted to baptize every person whom he met. He said that if he knocked on the door and saw a man smoking a cigar and dressed in old clothes and seemingly uninterested in anything—particularly religion—the missionary would picture in his own mind what that man would look like under a different set of circumstances. In his mind he would look at him as clean-shaven and wearing a white shirt and white trousers. And the missionary could see himself leading that man into the waters of baptism. He said, “When I look at someone that way, I have the capacity to bear my testimony to him in a way that can touch his heart.”

We have the responsibility to look at our friends, our associates, our neighbors this way. Again, we have the responsibility to see individuals not as they are but rather as they can become. I would plead with you to think of them in this way.

I love this talk. This loving perspective brings new meaning to seeing others as Jesus Christ sees them. It reframes my idea of charity. We need to see the potential in others. Within every person, no matter their outside appearance, is a spiritual child of God wanting to make it home to Him. It reminds me of this quote by C.S. Lewis:

“It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all of our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations - these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit - immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.”

Bing Image Creator

We don't want to focus on the potential for evil that we all have, but instead the potential for great goodness. Everyone we see is an immortal with awe-inspiring divine nature. That is what matters. The stuff of this mortal life isn't nearly as important as the people because we are all eternal beings.

That person you judged on the street yesterday? A possible god. The driver you were angry with? A child of our Father doing the best they can with what they've been given. The person your mental traditions deemed sketchy? A spirit who chose Jesus Christ in the pre-existence and who longs for light as much as you do. That's the reality.

Yes, people make bad choices. Yes, we need to have boundaries. But there is so much hope and power in seeing the potential and the divine nature in everyone we meet. That will enable us to treat them with the kindness God expects of us - and needs us to have. If we serve and love others just to accomplish an agenda, it won't work. We need to have genuine respect for who they are as people and the experiences they've had. We need to acknowledge that there's a reason they've chosen what they have. Then, we can touch their hearts from a place of genuine love and charity.

John 8:24

24 I said therefore unto you, that ye shall die in your sins: for if ye believe not that I am he, ye shall die in your sins.

John 8:31-36

31 Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;

32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

33 They answered him, We be Abraham’s seed, and were never in bondage to any man: how sayest thou, Ye shall be made free?

34 Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin.

35 And the servant abideth not in the house for ever: but the Son abideth ever.

36 If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

We don't have to die in our sins and we don't have to be enslaved by them. Instead, we can follow the Son and become members of the household of God. We can be free from all our mistakes. Not to mention our sorrows and all the difficulties of mortality. We don't have to stay where we are, wallowing in our imperfections and weaknesses. In our darkest moments, we can use the Savior's Atonement to rise spiritually just as He rose from death. We can make covenants with Him and then be cleansed again and again as we repent.  He doesn't limit us to who we are now. We have the freedom to grow - forever.

John 8:51

51 Verily, verily, I say unto you, If a man keep my saying, he shall never see death.

When we follow Him and give Him the sacrifice of ourselves, He saves us from spiritual death.

John 5:24

24 Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life.

John 11:26

26 And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?

We never have to die spiritually. There is so much hope in Jesus Christ. Do we realize how much? Do we realize exactly how much is possible because of Him?

John 9:41

41 Jesus said unto them, If ye were blind, ye should have no sin: but now ye say, We see; therefore your sin remaineth.

Only our Savior knows how much we "see" and are held accountable for. That's why it's not fair for us to judge others. We don't know their full circumstances and everything that impacts their vision. One of my favorite talks of all time is Ensuring a Righteous Judgment by Elder James R. Rasband. He says:

Although we do not fully understand the sacred mechanics by which the Savior’s atoning sacrifice heals and restores, we do know that to ensure a righteous judgment, the Savior will clear away the underbrush of ignorance and the painful thorns of hurt caused by others. By this He ensures that all God’s children will be given the opportunity, with unobscured vision, to choose to follow Him and accept the great plan of happiness.

I depend on that future day when I will have unobscured vision. Mortality brings many trials. It brings a veil over our eyes that prevents us from remembering all the eternal things. We have so much to learn, grow, and heal from. Our Savior understands exactly what we've been through. He knows who we are and our intentions. Only Him. No matter the sins that we see in others, it's guaranteed that there are things about their lives we don't know. Our vision is always obscured, so we need to have mercy.

Bing Image Creator

Because of Him, we can pursue our eternal potential without our pasts holding us back. We can see the divine nature in everyone and love them as He does. We can reach for eternal horizons and utilize our covenants to gain salvation. We can have abundance. Let us rejoice today and always in the gift of the Son who makes all things possible.

Bonnie Gwyn

Matt 18; Luke 10: I Am Martha!

Let's talk about sacrifice and priorities! I'll include a few verses on other topics, too, because I loved them.

Matthew 18:9 

9 And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.

I have several offending eyes in my life. The truth is that we all have things that are part of us (habits, attitudes, even core beliefs) that aren't consistent with the Savior's teachings. They don't even have to be sinful things. For example, hope in the future doesn't come naturally to me. I learned a lot of fear in my childhood that I'm still working through. Jesus Christ wants us to live and make choices based on faith and hope, not fear and discouragement. I've been working to pluck excessive fear out of my life. Worrying about what people think of me, talking about others, and making snap judgements are other things I'm plucking. It takes time. It's better for us to lose these parts of ourselves so we can feel the Spirit and truly be one with God. It's a sacrifice (sometimes it feels as dramatic as losing an eye) but everything we give the Lord is repaid in the end.

Luke 10:35

35 And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.

He will come again and He will honor all of our sacrifices. He will make us whole in every way. We can count on Him.

Don't be afraid to give up ...

• Unholy things.
• Things that no longer serve you and God.
• Bad attitudes.
• Unfair beliefs about yourself.
• Worldly priorities.
• Anything that offends the Spirit.

The Law of Sacrifice has changed since the days of animals on altars. The Church of Jesus Christ's website now describes it as: "doing all we can to support the Lord’s work and repenting with a broken heart and contrite spirit." It's even more intimate now. Instead of symbolically sacrificing something, we literally need to let go of these offending things. We need to pluck them out of our lives and change ourselves. We do this because of the most intimate sacrifice of all: the sacrifice and Atonement of the Lamb of God.

Matthew 18:10

10 Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.

I love the idea that my children have angels watching over them. I know it's true for all children. These innocent souls have imperfect parents and need extra help and protection. The veil is thinner for them and they have heaven with them. I feel it every time my baby smiles at me. Every time my toddler gives me a big hug. They are so patient with me and all my weaknesses - more Christlike than I am by leaps and bounds. 

Matthew 18:15

15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

I've been consciously working on this all week. It's so natural to be offended by something and immediately vent to a friend or family member. I've been trying to handle these conflicts directly so that gossip doesn't spread and no one is hurt. We become closer as we lovingly resolve conflicts without dragging anyone's name through the mud. The truth is that Jesus forgives debts that we could never pay ourselves. We're hypocrites when we don't allow others the same mercy. We don't have to allow bad things to happen again, of course, but we can be Christlike as we set boundaries.

Bing Image Creator

Luke 10:18-19

18 And he said unto them, I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven.

19 Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

Satan can seem intimidating and powerful, but we have to remember that Jesus Christ already won. A long time ago. We can be hurt temporarily by Satan's power on earth, but in the end, he really can't touch us without our permission. He can't touch our faith or our agency. When we have discouraging thoughts, we need to remember that they come from him and that we all saw him fall.

Luke 10:20

20 Notwithstanding in this rejoice not, that the spirits are subject unto you; but rather rejoice, because your names are written in heaven.

When I read this, I was reminded of my time on my high school track team. I love track because the focus is on setting personal records. If you're me, you never win a race but can still celebrate a PR. Jesus is telling us here that we shouldn't rejoice in a bad fate for someone else. We should focus on our own salvation. Pride goes before the fall. It's less about who "wins" or gets there first and more about getting all of us across that finish line. Forget about the sins of your neighbor. Focus on doing better yourself than you did yesterday.

Luke 10:29

29 But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbour?

Do we try to justify ourselves?

I'm not assigned to minister to her, so I don't have to help her.

He has been rude to me in the past, so I don't feel bad that he's suffering now. 

They don't come to church. 

She has made bad choices.  

Stop it. The Lord wants us to love everyone wherever they are. Those thoughts of justification come from the adversary. If we have promptings to reach out to people, we need to follow them. It doesn't matter if it's our formal assignment to do so. It doesn't matter if they're on different life paths than we are. Everyone is our neighbor.

Bing Image Creator

Luke 10:41-42

41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:

42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

It’s me! I am Martha. I worry too much about how clean the house is, my to-do list, my goals as a wife, mother, and homemaker. I stress about having food on the table in a timely manner and feel ridiculous guilt when I’m behind on my tasks. All my worrying leads to bitterness and resentment when I feel torn between enjoying time with my family and “getting stuff done.” Things become chaotic so quickly, and yet, I know my children are growing rapidly and I need to be present with them. I look into their sweet, beautiful eyes and realize that they are the good part. They won’t be taken from me because our family is eternal. My house is not my eternal home. The food we eat isn’t significant to our salvation. But being there for my children and teaching them the gospel is good. Even more, it’s best.

Mary understood that her chance to be with the Savior was now. He was there with them in that moment and she was at His feet. I’m sure Martha was doing great things. We all fulfill different roles in the kingdom and taking care of temporal needs was important. But perhaps Martha could have left her “many” troubles behind and spent more time with the Savior. I can relate to her dilemma so much that it hurts. What could Martha have given up in order to be with Him? What worries, what tasks, what unnecessary burdens? What could have waited until the next day, the next month, or the next year? What could she have put down in order to be present with the literal Son of God? I’m asking myself those same questions. What can I let go of?

I realized today that my problem is I’m an exhausted control freak. I want to do things myself so they’re done “right,” but I’m also tired and need help. I get irritated when that help isn’t given but I know, deep down, it’s because I’m so particular and I’ll just be critical of said help. My poor husband. This is a very imperfect part of me that I need to improve. I don’t want to discount all of Martha’s goodness, but I’ll use her as an example anyway. Should I be like Martha and be too careful and troubled? That’s what my OCD perfectionism is, right?

I need to choose the good and needful things instead, which means prioritizing my family and my marriage even when things don’t look the way I want. It means being grateful for help and involving my children despite extra time and mess. It means choosing to study the gospel over scrubbing something that’s driving me crazy. This is just a personal example, of course. You probably have different things you’re careful and troubled about. We all have things we can put aside for a while in order to prioritize what’s best. But this is an offending eye that I desperately need to pluck out of my life. I need more time at my Savior's feet.

I want to end with this quote that popped up on my phone this week. I needed it badly.

"Jesus Christ ... doesn’t see our lack as failure but rather as an opportunity to exercise faith and to grow." - Wholehearted by Sister Michelle D. Craig.

We all have things to learn and sacrifices to make. It's a long road to perfection or wholeness. We shouldn't be discouraged with our progress or compare ourselves to others. Instead, we need to focus on our own "personal records" and improvements and celebrate each step that brings us closer to God. Our weaknesses are opportunities to turn to Him, to trust Him more, and to see the power of His Atonement in our lives. He can do far more with our lives than we can on our own. Let's all spend more time at His feet, whatever that personally means to us. 

Bonnie Gwyn 

Matt 15–17; Mark 7–9: Gossiping vs Peacemaking

This week brings yet another tangent on the importance of stopping gossip. This is a long set of verses, but I have a lot to say about them, so bear with me. They apply to all of us and how we treat one another. As always, I'm not perfect and I definitely need to improve on these things. I'm just sharing what struck a chord in me as I read this section. I'll add my thoughts throughout the verses.

Matthew 15:7-20

7 Ye hypocrites, well did Esaias prophesy of you, saying,

8 This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.

How often do we claim to have good intentions but really gossip, fault find, or disrespect others?

These verses also apply to ministering. Are our hearts in it as we genuinely reach out to others, or do we only participate so we can have something to report or check off our lists? I've been thinking a lot about the importance of being genuine when we minister. It's pointless if we don't do it because we care. Those we minister to will sense when we're only there out of obligation or to look good on paper/in an interview. We might do some good, but it's better to really be there and be trustworthy.

Being trustworthy includes keeping confidences and asking permission before sharing sensitive information. It's better to maintain a relationship than to blab about something just to prove you're doing your job. Ah, man, I'm guilty of this. It's nice to have something to say. But our attitudes about what ministering is, and the pressure surrounding it, need to change. If we are taking care of our brothers and sisters, that's what matters. I'm sure there are times when sharing is necessary, such as when help from the ward is required, but I'm afraid it crosses the line to gossip too often.

9 But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.

10 And he called the multitude, and said unto them, Hear, and understand:

11 Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.

Here we go. Those little tidbits of gossip that feel innocent? We need to stop. I need to stop. Of course, we need balance. I do think there's good in supporting each other through hard situations and challenging relationships. We shouldn't keep negative feelings cooped up inside us and we shouldn't feel alone. But maybe we cross the line when we choose to only talk about a situation instead of directly resolving it. I'm not sure when that line is crossed. It's something I want to ponder and I'd love to hear your thoughts on.

12 Then came his disciples, and said unto him, Knowest thou that the Pharisees were offended, after they heard this saying?

13 But he answered and said, Every plant, which my heavenly Father hath not planted, shall be rooted up.

Made with Bing Image Creator

This is a comforting concept for anyone who has suffered from damaging gossip, false witness, and so on. When we spread gossip, we plant a seed. It can grow into a monster as it's passed along and the truth is skewed. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know the truth, and in the end, truth and justice will prevail. Maybe it won't always happen in this life, but there will be a time when intentions are known and understood. Our Advocate will root up every false thing that has been planted. We shouldn't knowingly plant things that aren't Christlike. We should sow good seeds everywhere we can.

14 Let them alone: they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.

Made with Bing Image Creator

When we spread gossip, we are usually blind to the full context of the situation. We then lead others who know even less to continue feeding the monster. We're all blind in that situation and it helps no one. Maybe the first step is to recognize our urge to gossip, stop, and instead turn to learning more about the situation and how we can help.

15 Then answered Peter and said unto him, Declare unto us this parable.

16 And Jesus said, Are ye also yet without understanding?

17 Do not ye yet understand, that whatsoever entereth in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out into the draught?

18 But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.

What we say testifies of who we are. As we work to become more like Jesus Christ, our desires (what's in our hearts) will automatically orient more toward love than gossip. 

19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies:

20 These are the things which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man.

The Savior is so clear. Our priority should be loving people. Not shaming them for not obeying every law. Not bearing false witness. Not looking closely at their hands to see every speck of dirt. Loving them.

Made with Bing Image Creator

Stop looking for dirt. And if you have a problem with someone, talk to them about it (kindly). I saw a meme the other day that was something like, "Be the woman who fixes another woman's crown without telling the world it was crooked." That applies to men and women alike. We need to start minding our own business more and encouraging others to choose to love. That's what I've learned this week.

Here is a quote from President Nelson:

The Savior’s Atonement made it possible for us to overcome all evil—including contention. Make no mistake about it: contention is evil! Jesus Christ declared that those who have “the spirit of contention” are not of Him but are “of the devil, who is the father of contention, and [the devil] stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.” Those who foster contention are taking a page out of Satan’s playbook, whether they realize it or not. “No man can serve two masters.” We cannot support Satan with our verbal assaults and then think that we can still serve God.

My dear brothers and sisters, how we treat each other really matters! How we speak to and about others at home, at church, at work, and online really matters. Today, I am asking us to interact with others in a higher, holier way. Please listen carefully. “If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy” that we can say about another person—whether to his face or behind her back—that should be our standard of communication.

I know it's hard. I know it doesn't come naturally to a lot of us. But this is what our prophet chose to focus on during General Conference and we need to take note. We need to be peacemakers. We need to lift, encourage, and love each other. There's a huge difference between lifting up our brothers and sisters and talking about them. We can be better. My goal this week is to focus on seeing the good in people and having both my lips and heart be close to God. I have a long way to go but hope that you all will be patient with me as well as each other. As always, if you think I cross a line into gossiping, tell me to stop. It's not worth it.

Bonnie Gwyn